


Periodic Love

by Nonlinearone1105



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-15 06:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3437528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nonlinearone1105/pseuds/Nonlinearone1105
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of brief glimpses into the beginning of a J/T relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Periodic Love

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for femslash100’s Periodic Table Challenge over on LJ. Each drabble is in some way related to an element…not always in an obvious way.

**Hydrogen**

“It doesn't actually use hydrogen, but it’s the same sort of fission-fusion reaction as the hydrogen bomb that was created late in the twenty-first century…”  B’Elanna allowed Tom’s voice to fade into white noise – partially because she didn't care – so they had discovered a race that had invented a very powerful bomb.  It was interesting, but she didn't need a history lesson – but mostly because she was far too distracted by the woman sitting at the head of the table.  Right at the moment, it was her hands that held B’Elanna’s attention – the way they curled around her mug, cradling it.  What would those fingers feel like cradling her face?

Her eyes followed as they rose, bringing the coffee cup to Kathryn’s lips.  She was startled to find blue eyes studying her.  She sat, transfixed, unable to look away even to follow Kathryn’s hands as they returned to the table, revealing a secret smile that was just for her.

 

**Helium**

Kathryn Janeway hovered.  This was not a new development.  Everyone aboard Voyager knew it.  She was one of those touchy-feely people, forever finding ways to get the physical contact she craved – a hand on someone’s arm, squeezing someone’s shoulder, her hand on Chakotay’s chest, or, in this case, working shoulder to shoulder in engineering.

B’Elanna had to keep reminding herself that it was not out of the ordinary, that Kathryn didn’t mean anything when she leaned against her.  This behavior was in no way specific to her.  She told herself that, but as Kathryn pressed against her, stretching across the console to reach a different set of controls, B’Elanna couldn’t help but feel lighter than air.

 

**Lithium**

It didn’t take B’Elanna long to realize that she’d never been in love before.  She thought she had, and maybe she’d been close, but it had never been like this.  This…this was the best feeling in the world.  Sometimes at least.  The times when they were working so closely together, their thoughts seemingly one, ideas bouncing between them almost faster than they could keep up, their bodies almost as close, arms and hands brushing as they worked.  The times they joked, laughed, and she could almost imagine that the sparkle in Kathryn’s eyes indicated more than a captain’s concern for her crew member.  Realistically, maybe friendship.  In her wildest hopes and dreams, maybe more.

The problem was, that feeling never lasted, and loving Kathryn Janeway was also the worst feeling she could imagine.  Not just knowing that Kathryn didn’t feel the same, but having to watch her through the hard times, when she could feel the pain radiating from the small frame even from across the room.  Wanting to hug her, hold her, kiss her, tell her it would be okay, make her forget.  But that wasn’t her job.  It was nobody’s job.

 

**Beryllium**

B’Elanna glanced around, paranoid about being spotted by anyone from Voyager.  Of course, this space station was so huge and the crew so scattered that it was unlikely she’d see anyone she knew even if she were looking for them.  Still, it was better to be careful.

Satisfied that the immediate area was free of Starfleet personnel, she stepped closer to the small booth, her breath catching at the beauty of the wares before her.  Sparkling gems, chains more delicate than she’d ever seen, and fine, intricate metal work.  Her eyes flitted over the rubies, but discounted them – they would clash with Kathryn’s hair.  Emeralds?  She _did_ look good in green – it brought out the red in her hair.  Her eyes drifted a little further, finding the sapphires, and she knew that it would have to be sapphire.  Sapphires to match the blue of her eyes.

“Find something for your pretty lady?”  She jumped, head snapping up at the sound of the old man’s voice.  He was grinning as if he could see right inside her heart and find Kathryn there.

“No,” she stammered, backing away.  “No, just looking.”  She turned on her heel and hightailed it back toward Voyager.

 

**Boron**

“What about this one?”  B’Elanna hid her grin as she watched Naomi and Kathryn huddled over Naomi’s chemistry homework.  She’d initially been a bit upset when Naomi had politely interrupted their breakfast to ask for the captain’s help, explaining that her mother was on an away mission and Neelix had been busy making breakfast.  Kathryn had been all too happy to help, and B’Elanna had reconsidered her resentment when she saw how good Kathryn was with the young girl.

“Benzene?” she guessed.

“It does look like a benzene ring,” Kathryn allowed, “but it’s inorganic.  See the boron?”

“Oh yeah.”  Naomi frowned.

“You weren’t that far off,” the older redhead reassured her.  “Its structure is very similar to benzene and it can act a lot like it.  Actually, sometimes it’s called inorganic benzene.”

“Really?”

“Mmmhmm.  You just have to remember that the compounds are as important as the structure.  Watch out for the inorganics.”  Naomi beamed and nodded, earning a smile from her mentor.  B’Elanna wondered – did Kathryn Janeway want children?

 

**Carbon**

“I’m not sure that qualifies as food.”

“I’m not sure it qualifies as organic,” Kathryn shot back, poking the…whatever it was…with a fork as it sat smoking in the replicator.

“No, something that charred _has_ to be carbon based.”  Her heart rate sped up when Kathryn laughed and nudged her.

“My mistake.”

“Run it through again, maybe you’ll get a diamond.”  Kathryn scoffed and rolled her eyes, backhanding her in the stomach.  The contact was nice but B’Elanna would have rather had another musical laugh.

“You’re the engineer…can’t you make this thing like me?”

 

**Nitrogen**

“It’s interfering with her body’s ability to synthesize amino acids.”

“Why?”  B’Elanna turned her head, wincing at the pain, to seek out the source of that voice.  Kathryn.  She tried to smile, and got a worried half smile in response.

“I don’t know yet, Captain, but it’s progressing slowly.  I have every confidence that I’ll find a cure.”  Janeway nodded, leaving the Doctor to his work and moving to B’Elanna’s side.  B’Elanna smiled again and reached for her hand without thinking.  Kathryn took it, squeezing even as the other hand reached up to touch her face.  Her hands were cool.

“Is there anything you need, B’Elanna?”  B’Elanna closed her eyes, concentrating on the sensation of Kathryn’s fingers on her cheek.

“Just you,” she breathed.  Kathryn squeezed her hand and didn’t leave.

 

**Oxygen**

Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea, after all.  Kathryn had proclaimed that she was itching to get off the ship and B’Elanna, finally recovered, had agreed to go with her.  Surveying an M class planet for foodstuffs and the possibility of shore leave – not to mention the chance to be alone with the redhead – was difficult to pass up.

The planet bordered on desert like, but was by no means uninhabitable.  B’Elanna’s Klingon physiology made her more susceptible to cold and much more tolerant of heat.  She had therefore been able to shuck her uniform tunic and turtleneck and be comfortable.  Kathryn had also stripped down to her tank top, but hers was darkened with sweat and clinging to her like a second skin.  Then there was the fact that Janeway was leading the way up the steep slope, giving B’Elanna a rather unavoidable view of her backside – not that she was complaining, of course.

They gained altitude quickly, and B’Elanna’s Klingon genes came to the rescue yet again, her third lung allowing her to breathe normally even in the rarified air.  Her human comrade, however, was flushed, sweaty and breathing hard – a combination that put B’Elanna’s hormones into overdrive, and she found she had to continually remind herself that jumping the captain was not a good idea, even if they were off the ship.

 

**Fluorine**

“It’s just an allergic reaction.”  B’Elanna wanted to smack him for sounding so calm.  Her lungs were burning – all three of them – and all he could say was it’s _just_ an allergic reaction.  Lucky for the Doctor, she was too busy clinging to the edge of the biobed trying not to fall over or pass out to be able to lift an arm to hit him.  Not that it would have hurt him, of course, but it would have made her feel a little better nonetheless.

“She’ll be all right?”

“She’ll be fine, Captain.  I’m giving her dexamethasone.  That should have this cleared up in no time.”  B’Elanna felt the press of the hypospray against her throat and the tight band around her chest loosened a little.  As she calmed, the Doctor was pulling at her arm, healing the nasty bite on her wrist.  Stupid fucking lizard.

The next thing she was aware of was Kathryn.  Always Kathryn.  The redhead looked relieved.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better.”  Kathryn nodded.

“I suppose that rather effectively rules out shore leave.”

“Yeah,” B’Elanna allowed.  Kathryn shifted closer, reaching out to cup her cheek, her other hand resting on B’Elanna’s thigh.

“Stop scaring me like this.  That’s an order.”

“I’ll try.”  She pressed into the hand against her face, longing to turn and press a kiss against it.

 

**Neon**

B’Elanna tried not to stare, she really did.  Not when they were in public (because someone would notice, and the last thing she needed was a flashing sign on her forehead that read “I’m hopelessly in love with Kathryn Janeway”) and not when they were alone (because Kathryn was observant, and she would notice.  And then she would want to know why).

“What?”  Startled, B’Elanna forced her eyes to focus on her commanding officer, who was watching her from across the table.

“What?” she repeated, trying not to blush, hoping that Kathryn hadn’t noticed.

“You were staring again.”  Damn.

 

**Sodium**

B’Elanna watched a trickle of sweat roll down Kathryn’s brow, headed for her eyes, only to be gently swiped away by the back of Kathryn’s hand.  Maybe Velocity hadn’t been such a good idea, after all.  Her attention was then drawn to the lingering smile on the captain’s face.  It was amused and playful, almost daring her to do something about it.  Did she not know how difficult she was making this?  Or was she doing it on purpose, trying to torture her chief engineer?  Maybe she was just enjoying the ability to flirt a little, but B’Elanna wasn’t certain how much longer she could handle just flirting.

 

**Magnesium**

“Walk with me?”  B’Elanna drew her attention away from the small fireworks show – Tom and Harry had decided to kick off shore leave with a little excitement.  B’Elanna was a fan of fire, but a bigger fan of the petite redhead who had managed to sneak up beside her.

“Of course.”  They walked side by side, but Kathryn was leading the way, taking them away from the rest of the crew and meandering deeper into the canyon.  The crew had gathered at the mouth for the impromptu party, and the multicolored flashes of light followed them as they walked in comfortable silence.

It took B’Elanna a while to notice that she could hear running water, and then they were staring across at a small waterfall.  Kathryn smiled at her look of surprise.  “Beautiful,” she murmured, her gaze lingering on her companion’s face, making it clear that she wasn’t just talking about the waterfall.  She watched as the barest hints of light continued to flicker across Kathryn’s face – red, blue, red again, green, bright white – and for once, Kathryn seemed as transfixed as she was.  Unable to resist, she reached out, taking Kathryn’s hands in her own.  Blue eyes searched her face, but as she leaned in Kathryn’s lips parted in anticipation, her head tilting just a little, meeting her in the single most perfect kiss of her life.

 

**Aluminum**

Kissing Kathryn Janeway was…indescribably amazing.  She couldn’t say how, but her arms had found their way around Kathryn’s waist, Kathryn’s around her neck.  Cool hands against her neck, pulling her in and holding her close, tangling in her hair and pulling in a way that made her spine tingle in a most pleasant way.  Soft lips moving against her own, mouth like liquid silk.  Lithe body soft and malleable beneath her hands despite the lingering tension that B’Elanna figured must be Kathryn’s constant companion as a captain, especially one stranded in the Delta Quadrant.

She tightened her arms and Kathryn’s heels left the ground.  Her breathing deepened and she caught a hint of something sweet – shampoo? – in combination with a subtler underlying scent that was all Kathryn.  Intoxicating.

Kathryn’s chest expanding and contracting against her own, their foreheads pressed together, breath mingling, and this quiet moment was almost as good as the kiss itself.

 

**Silicon**

B’Elanna had always felt most comfortable up to her elbows in complicated circuitry, smudged with the grime inherent to a career in engineering.  But being here in Kathryn’s quarters, kissing her again, was comfortable as well.  They had traded the cool evening breeze for still, filtered starship air; fireworks and moonlight for dimmed lighting and the bluish tint of starlight through the viewports; the proximity of the crew for the complete privacy of the captain’s quarters.  Some days, Voyager’s systems were so familiar it felt like her hands had been made to handle them.  Tonight, she learned that she was quite familiar with the workings of a Starfleet uniform, as well.

 

**Phosphorus**

How many months had she spent fantasizing about Kathryn’s hands?  She couldn’t remember.  Granted, she couldn’t remember much of anything right at the moment.  Those hands were on her skin, touching her, caressing her, driving her insane.  Reality so rarely lived up to the fantasy, but this was so much better.  She couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe.  How was it possible to be this dizzy lying down?  When she closed her eyes, lights danced against the lids, and when she opened them again, they were slow to dissipate – the ceiling seemed to glow.  It was too much, too fast, too many new sensations at once, but Kathryn was there, keeping her grounded and sending her higher all at once.  Spinning out of control and then it was over and she had given everything.   _I love you._  The words tickled her brain, but she couldn’t allow them to escape just yet.  Kathryn froze against her.

“What did you say?”

 

**Sulfur**

Skin against skin, sliding slickly, but the fear gripped too tightly for her to even enjoy it.  She’d ruined it, said too much, now there would be fire and brimstone and that paint peeling glare and it could never happen again, but she wanted it, craved it, needed it to survive.  A kiss against her throat – had she imagined that? – and then breath and the brush of lips against her ear.

“Do you love me?”  She closed her eyes.  Did Kathryn have to torture her first?  “Do you love me, Lanna?”  Biting her lip, B’Elanna nodded, head lolling to the side, away from the tantalizing feeling of Kathryn so close to her.  Then Kathryn’s lips were moving again…

 

**Chlorine**

“I love you too.”  Wait…what?  “Did you think that I didn’t?”  Before they had kissed, B’Elanna would have said no, Kathryn Janeway didn’t love her.  And since then…well, she hadn’t been thinking clearly.  She shrugged, still refusing to open her eyes.  “I let you kiss me.  I brought you here, made love…”  She paused, but B’Elanna had no words.  “There’s not a single person on this ship…or down on that planet,” she added, “for whom either of those things is true.  Do you know that?”  B’Elanna shook her head, a few stray tears slipping from her eyes despite her best effort.  Gentle hands – those hands she so adored – brushed them away, lingering against her face, soothing her.  “Now you do,” Kathryn breathed.  “I love you.  I’m not supposed to, but I do.  More than I think you know.”

 

**Argon**

Watching Kathryn sleep – perhaps a little creepy, but it was the best alternative she could think of given that sleep was out of the question for the time being.  Her mind wouldn’t stop turning.  Kathryn loved her.  She couldn’t help but want to savor that.  Besides, it was shore leave.  It wasn’t as if they had to be up early tomorrow.

She finally gave in – it had been bothering her for what seemed like an eternity – and brushed a lock of hair from Kathryn’s face.  Kathryn was a quiet sleeper – she barely moved, didn’t talk in her sleep or snore – at least, not so far – but now she stirred, shifting closer, her lips moving in what might have been speech in the dream world she inhabited, then settled back down with a brief sigh.

B’Elanna felt complete in a way she never had, even in that innocent way most children do.  She knew that it was a false sense of security, that come morning reality would set back in, but at least for these few hours the outside world couldn’t touch her.

 

**Potassium**

“Banana pancakes?” Kathryn murmured, grinning as if she found it the most charming thing in the world.  B’Elanna was distracted by the fact that the redhead continued to peck her lips every few seconds.

“Yeah,” she finally confirmed.  “Why…something wrong with that?”

“Not at all,” Kathryn assured her.  “You’ve just always had bacon and eggs when we have breakfast together.”  B’Elanna found it somehow touching that Kathryn even noticed her habits.

“Because banana pancakes are special,” she explained, “and…today feels like a special kind of day.”  Kathryn chuckled, low and smooth.

“Does it?” she asked, grinning.

“Definitely.”  Kathryn’s fun loving grin morphed into a sweet, pure, beautiful smile.

“You know what?  I think so too.”

 

**Calcium**

“Do you want to go for a walk in a while?”  Kathryn smirked.

“Getting restless?”

“Not the way you think,” B’Elanna assured her, reached for a handful of grapes.  It had been an entirely hedonistic day, filled with talking and cuddling and lovemaking, breaking only for nourishment.  It was difficult to believe that it was already evening – it was hunger, not the time, that had driven them to put together this simple meal.  They’d replicated a variety of finger foods – fruits, cheeses, cold cuts, crackers – and accompanied it with an extravagant red wine that B’Elanna had a feeling Kathryn didn’t replicate often.  But, as she had said earlier, it was a special occasion.  “I just figure that we should take advantage of the ability to be planet side while we can.”  Kathryn hummed, leaning against her and taking a grape when she offered.

“Opportunities for shore leave are rather few and far between,” she allowed, “and our last walk did end well, didn’t it?”

 

**Scandium**

The twilight breeze was cool, but not unpleasantly so, though B’Elanna would have been glad to bear a bit of a chill for the opportunity to walk hand in hand like this.  She glanced over at Kathryn, who seemed to sense her gaze and turned her head to send her a smile.

Their pace was relaxed, but when B’Elanna felt them slowing even further, she steered them toward a nearby tree and leaned back against it, pulling Kathryn against her.  Lithe arms twined around her neck.  They were silent for a long while, just gazing into each other’s eyes as the sun finished setting.

“Would it be presumptuous to ask about tomorrow?” she asked, rubbing Kathryn’s lower back.

“No,” Kathryn assured her with a brief kiss.  She smiled, then sighed.  “I suppose I should be sociable.  Seven tells me that Neelix is planning a big dinner of some sort.  But that’s not until tomorrow night.  I’m all yours until then.”  Grinning, B’Elanna pulled her closer and spent several minutes expressing her affection – until something about Kathryn’s wording began to nag at her.

 

**Titanium**

“Do I need to stay on Voyager?”

“What?  No,” Kathryn answered, reaching up to trace her ridges.  The metal of her bracelet was cool as it brushed B’Elanna’s cheek, sliding lower on Kathryn’s arm.  “Lanna, I need you to understand that when we’re together like this, I’m not your captain.”

“I know.”

“And when I have to be the captain, I can’t be…”  She paused, frowning.  B’Elanna understood her dilemma.  Lover didn’t seem to convey the depth of their feelings.  Girlfriend felt…juvenile.

“The woman I love?” B’Elanna offered.  Except she loved Kathryn just as much when she was being the captain.  Still, Kathryn’s expression grew shy.

“Who loves you back.”  Kathryn kissed her, lingering for a moment.  “I’m not saying you can’t go; I’m not even saying that we can’t go together.  I just can’t be…with you.  Understand?”  B’Elanna nodded.

“I can live with that.”  A breeze swept through the small clearing, colder than before, and B’Elanna shivered.

“Are you cold?”

“That’s what you’re for,” she replied, pulling the redhead closer and slipping her hands beneath the back of her shirt.  Kathryn chuckled and dipped her head, kissing B’Elanna’s neck.

“I can live with that.”

 

**Vanadium**

“What have you been up to?  I haven’t seen you around.”  B’Elanna steadfastly didn’t look at the redhead sitting next to her; instead fixing her gaze on the multicolored flowers that decorated the area.

“Oh, just hanging out.  Catching up on my sleep.”  Chakotay still looked concerned.

“Are you sure you’re okay?  I’m worried about you spending so much time alone.”

“I’m fine, Kotay,” she said, wondering how she could convince him without giving herself away.  “In fact, I’m great.  I promise.”

“Don’t worry, Commander, I’m keeping an eye on her.  Not to imply that you need a babysitter, Lieutenant.”  B’Elanna rolled her eyes and nudged the redhead, trying not to feel self-conscious about the contact.  She knew that a sudden cessation of closeness in public would be as suspicious as being overly familiar.

“I’m glad to hear that.  B’Elanna’s not the only one I worry about, you know.  You need a break as much as the rest of us, Kathryn.”

“I know.  I’m relaxing, I promise.”  When Chakotay rose in search of more food, they shared a knowing smile.

 

**Chromium**

“Aren’t I boring you?”  B’Elanna suppressed a laugh as she saw the smudge of paint on Kathryn’s temple as the redhead twisted to look at her.

“You never bore me,” she replied.  Kathryn’s bashful smile warmed her heart.  “Can I see yet?”

“No.”

“What are you painting, anyway?”  Kathryn turned back to the canvas and continued working.

“That would ruin the surprise.”

“It’s not me, is it?”  Kathryn’s eyes cut toward her, a smirk on her face.

“No,” she said after a long pause.  “I’ve never been any good at that.”  B’Elanna thought she probably underestimated herself, as she was wont to do with most of her non-job related talents.  Instead, she just hummed noncommittally.

She lounged, watching Kathryn as she worked.  She was dressed so casually and her ponytail was a bit haphazard – a few strands of hair had fallen into her face, brushing her cheeks – but she was incredibly beautiful.  It was so good to see her at ease, relaxed, and she was amazed to think that she might have a part in that.  “All right, now you can come look.”  B’Elanna pushed off of the lounger and moved to Kathryn’s side.  The waterfall where they had first kissed – it was good.

“Wow.  That’s amazing.”

“You think so?”

“Definitely.”  She wrapped an arm around the older woman’s shoulders, hugging her against her side and reaching up to rub at the hint of paint on her face.

 

**Manganese**

Oranges became reds, reds became pinks, and the clouds turned purple as night approached.  B’Elanna pulled Kathryn closer, smiling when soft hands rubbed hers.  It was the last night of shore leave.  Tomorrow, they would return to duty as usual and Voyager would resume course for home.  She couldn’t help but wonder how things would change between them now that it wouldn’t be just the two of them.

“What happens after this?”

“I assume we go back to Voyager.”  B’Elanna huffed.

“I meant with us.”

“Well,” Kathryn murmured, squeezing her hands, “we won’t be able to see each other quite as often once we’re back on duty, but you’re always welcome.  I don’t care when it is.”

“Yeah?”  Kathryn pivoted in her arms, looking into her face.  She tried not to be distracted by the feeling of fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of her neck.

“Yeah.  This isn’t just a fling to me, Lanna.  I’ve felt this way for a very long time.”

“Me too.”

“We just have to figure out how to balance work and our personal life and how to keep the two separate.  That might be difficult, but I want to find a way to make it work.  Alright?”  B’Elanna nodded.  “Just hang in there with me through the growing pains?  It’s not easy to be with a Starfleet captain.”

“Or a Klingon,” she pointed out, pressing her forehead to Kathryn’s.  “You’re worth it.  Who needs easy, anyway?”

“You read my mind.”

 

**Iron**

B’Elanna bit her lip and fought the urge to laugh as a single fingertip trailed over her stomach, tracing her muscles.

“Does that tickle?”  The movement stopped.

“Little bit.”

“Do you want me to stop?”  B’Elanna shook her head.

“No.  Definitely not.”  Chuckling, Kathryn resumed her exploration.

“You know, I hate being tickled.  My sister used to absolutely torture me when we were young.  I can’t enjoy it at all any more.”

“Too bad,” B’Elanna managed, her stomach tensing.  “Because sometimes it can be really…really good.”  Laughing, Kathryn slid up her body and settled on top of her, kissing her.

“Mmm, I love how strong you are.”

“That’s pretty good motivation to keep up with the exercise.”

“Or I can give you a workout right here…” Kathryn offered, grinning in a way that B’Elanna found devastatingly sexy.

“That…is quite possibly one of the most brilliant ideas I’ve ever heard.”

 

**Cobalt**

She’d never seen Kathryn Janeway cry.  A silent tear here or there, maybe, but nothing this uncontrolled.  It broke her heart in more ways than she could count and she couldn’t make it better.

She pressed against the lithe body, holding her hair back and cradling her as she shook and shivered and heaved long past the time when her stomach was empty.  Pain radiated from the redhead, and when she had finally calmed, B’Elanna pulled her into her lap, allowing her to curl up and burrow against her as she sobbed.

“I’ve got you,” she assured her, stroking her hair almost desperately.

“I can’t…” Kathryn managed, struggling against her embrace.

“Shh,” she soothed.  “I don’t need anything from you.  You don’t have to say anything.  Just let me be here for you, okay?  Let me love you.”  Apparently unable to resist, Kathryn gave in, relaxing against her, letting go, trusting B’Elanna to watch over her.

When the worst seemed to have passed, B’Elanna cupped Kathryn’s cheek and dipped her head to find her eyes.  Deep blue had become stormy gray, still wet with tears.  “I love you,” she whispered.  “I love you so much more than you know.”  Fresh tears welled and spilled down the flushed cheeks again.  She wiped them away.  “I’m not going anywhere; certainly not over a nightmare.  Okay?”  Kathryn sniffed and nodded.  B’Elanna pressed a lingering kiss to her temple, then wrapped her up as tightly as she dared.

 

**Nickel**

B’Elanna felt her heart clench as the door slid shut behind her.  She closed her eyes and drew a deep breath before spinning on her heel and pressing the door chime.  The voice that answered was weary.

“Come in, Lanna.”  She stepped back inside.

“What do you say we try this again, huh?”  Kathryn quirked a small smile and nodded.  She made her way to the couch, crouching down in front of the other woman, taking her hand and kissing it.  “I’m sorry,” she murmured.  “I know this is hard on you too.”  Kathryn’s free hand cupped her face.

“I know this is unfair to you, B’Elanna.  I promise I do, and I hate that I can’t give you the time you deserve.”  B’Elanna swallowed hard and nodded.

“Voyager has to come first, I get that.  I was just…being bitchy.”

“No,” Kathryn said.  “No, you’re perfectly justified.”  Kathryn squeezed her hand.  B’Elanna focused on the sight of Kathryn’s pale skin against her own bronze flesh.  They were beautiful together.

“Yeah, but I knew that going in, and you’re worth it.  I don’t need to make it any harder on you, and I’m sorry for that.”  Slender fingers tipped her chin up.

“I promise to try harder.  I can’t ignore my work, but maybe I can start bringing it home?  I know it’s not as good as my undivided attention, but at least we can be together a little more.”

“That’s good enough for me.”

 

**Copper**

It wasn’t perfect.  It wasn’t perfect, because no relationship is ever perfect, and neither were they, because people never are, but it was good.  Better than good.  More than that, it was worth it.  It was worth the small squabbles, worth adjusting to sharing space, worth the risk of someone finding out.  They were careful, of course – they never stayed the night anywhere but Kathryn’s quarters (it was much less likely that anyone would be checking on B’Elanna’s whereabouts at all hours of the night), they were friendly but not too friendly in public (because ignoring each other would be almost as much of a tip off), and careful even when they were alone (they had mutually agreed that most of the ship was off limits – almost everywhere except their quarters and the holodeck – especially the Ready Room, as tempting as it could be when they found themselves alone).

It wasn’t perfect, but right at the moment, B’Elanna couldn’t think of anything that wasn’t perfect in its imperfection.  Kathryn was curled against her, one arm over her waist, the other curled between them.  B’Elanna had her arms around the slender shoulders, feeling the smooth rush of Kathryn’s breath and the occasional twitch of her fingers as she settled into sleep.  Starlight created highlights in her hair, making it shine even in the darkness of night.  B’Elanna trailed her fingers up the back of Kathryn’s arm, smiling when she stirred and pressed closer.

“You okay?” she mumbled against B’Elanna’s throat.

“Perfect.”

 

**Zinc**

“Penny for your thoughts,” B’Elanna murmured, sending both hands through Kathryn’s hair, brushing it back from her face.  The redhead was draped atop her, chin resting on B’Elanna’s chest.

“Mmm, right now I’m thinking that feels nice.”  Chuckling, B’Elanna continued the soothing motion, as much because she enjoyed it as because Kathryn did.

“What else?”  Kathryn pushed up, looking down at her and smiling.

“That I love you.”

“I love you too,” she murmured, brushing her cheek.  “What else?” she asked again, knowing that she would have received an outright refusal to begin with if Kathryn didn’t want to share.  Kathryn hesitated for a long moment, searching her face.

“I know it’s only been a few months…I don’t want to scare you off.”

“I’m the Klingon,” B’Elanna teased.  “If anything, I should be the one scaring you.”  The redhead huffed and rolled her eyes, making it clear that she found the thought ridiculous.

“I was just thinking…about the future…”

“Was I there?”

“I certainly hope so.  I want you to be.  And it was occurring to me that we’re going to have to tell people eventually.”

“Yeah, we can’t exactly elope.”  B’Elanna froze, realizing what she’d just said.  Kathryn was talking about the future, but marriage was…probably going way too far.  But instead of freaking out, Kathryn just leaned down and kissed her.

“No, we can’t.”  B’Elanna slowly relaxed – the trail of kisses headed for her ear helped.  “But I would if I could.”


End file.
